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Things younger than John McCain

Saturday, May 24, 2008
Time: 10:06 AM

Since it's the holiday weekend, there will be more non-local related posts on this site.

Lets look at some facts on the Republican Presidential nominee, John "Angry" McCain that
might surprise you.

The zip code is younger than John McCain.

There are two things I find funny about the fact that John McCain is older than the zip code system:

1. John McCain’s first address was something like:

The Parents of Potentially the Oldest Guy Ever to Become President
123 Main Street
East Nowhere, VA 12

Two digits. The country was so damn small that there were only two digits in the postal code.

2. It was a postal inspector who submitted a proposal for an updated system in 1944.

When I go to the Post Office, I’m lucky if I can find someone who isn’t breathing through a tube - but, apparently, in 1944, postal workers were so motivated by what they were doing that they put in overtime developing new systems for delivering mail. (It should be noted, however, that this system wasn’t implemented until the 1960s and, even then, it wasn’t mandatory… thus restoring my faith in their ineptitude.)

[...]

Kraft Macaroni and Cheese is younger than John McCain.

I put Kraft Macaroni and Cheese right up there with the wheel and the iphone as one of the world’s great inventions. Created by divine inspiration in 1937, it’s the perfect meal when you have a cold or when you’re too lazy to make, you know, real food. The key, however, lies in my own secret technique… which I will share with you here and now:
The Double Drain™.
You see, the directions call for the chef to drain the water after the macaroni has come to a boil… but that’s insane. Between the milk, the butter, and the excess water that didn’t drain, you’ll still be left with a runny mess that will deprive you of the full “cheese” experience. One must do a second, “cleansing” drain just prior to emptying the contents onto ones plate. And one must also use a wooden spoon.
For the less industrious among us, there’s a product called “Kraft Easy Mac” which can be prepared with just water and a microwave in 3 1/2 minutes… but that’s just sad.

[...]

Penicillin is younger than John McCain.

In 1942, when John McCain was presumably an unvaccinated 6 year old, John Bumstead and Orvan Hess became the first physicians in the world to successfully treat a patient using Penicillin. At the time, they could not possibly comprehend what this breakthrough would mean for children, soldiers, and Paris Hilton.

[...]

Scrabble is younger than John McCain.

How fortuitous. What might very well be the world’s most boring game is actually younger than might very well be the countries most boring Senator (although there certainly are some quality contenders in that field).

[...]

The Area Code is younger than John McCain.

OK, this is a good one - so good, in fact, that it gets its very own category (”Area Codes”).
While the telephone itself was invented a mere 60 years prior to Pa McCain looking at John and saying to Ma McCain “Someday this boy will grow up to not become President!, the area code wasn’t introduced until the 1940’s.
I find this fact very confusing because, according to census.gov, the population of the United States in 1940 was 132,122,446. Does this mean that less than 10% of the people had phone numbers because, without an area code, the highest number could only be 999-9999?
I’d ask John McCain for clarification but I tend to think that he wouldn’t take my call.

[...]

The Shopping Cart is younger than John McCain.
This seems like something cavemen should have invented (God, I hate those stupid Geico commercials) - I mean, it’s wheels and a bucket. It couldn’t be simpler. So simple, in fact, that one would think that it not only pre-dates John McCain but that it would pre-date his parents and grandparents as well.

[...]

The Grapes of Wrath is younger than John McCain.

I have to admit that I never read the book (1939) and was only turned on to the movie (1940) because of the Springsteen album (The Ghost of Tom Joad) but its message is timeless (I guess that’s part of what makes a classic).
In a nutshell, the economy is down the drain, lenders are foreclosing left and right, there are more applicants than there are jobs, and people are in search of a way to return to dignity.
Hmm, I wonder if they’ll ever make a sequel?

[...]

Cheerios are younger than John McCain.

I have 18 month old twins at home and, as any parent will tell you, these little, round treasures of toasted whole grain goodness might as well be called “Crack-ios” or “Crystal Meth-ios”. There’s nothing my kids like more than to take a fistfull of these suckers and get (maybe) one or two right in their mouths.
I look forward to telling them, come this November, that our country had the good sense to elect a President younger than this ubiquitous brand.
And I imagine that they’ll poop in celebration.

[...]

The Chocolate Chip Cookie is younger than John McCain.

OK, this is an odd one. Apparently, the chocolate chip cookie has not been around since the dawn of time. It did not evolve from anything, nor was it hanging down from the forbidden tree (or whatever it’s called) in the Garden of Eden. It was, in fact, invented in 1937 by Ruth Graves Wakefield of Whitman, Massachusetts, who ran the Toll House Restaurant.
So this classic staple and friend of milk lovers everywhere is actually younger than John McCain.

[...]

The Beav, aka Jerry Mathers, is younger than John McCain.
You get the idea...

posted by ctblogger at 10:06 AM | Permalink|

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